In a World Without You – Day 180
I can’t believe I’m actually doing it! I have always been miles apart from the idea of doing a 9 to 5 job. My aim was to touch hearts through my words; earn enough to enjoy the basic necessities of the life, but pursue nothing other than writing.
However, I’ll be honest that I’ve become a wreck. I haven’t written anything in the past six months. The ideas don’t brew up in my mind anymore because it’s always occupied with the memories and my shattered heart. Let me be frank. The job was not my idea, but my parents were worried sick for me. No, they don’t know anything about what I’m going through, so they connected it with me sitting idle at home. I don’t blame them. My friends Neel and Ayaan on the other hand pushed me into a job so it could divert my mind and offer me a fresh environment. It is supposed to curb my sorrows and present me the idea of moving on.
Sometimes I think if they are right. That’s how it works for the majority of people. You allow time to heal your wounds and climb up back to sanity step by step. Sometimes I feel a tinge of jealousy. That’s not how it worked for me. I allowed time to befriend me with pain and I have gradually accepted it as my fate.
“So I say a little prayer and hope my dreams will take me there, where the skies are blue to see you once again,” my phone rings with one of my favorite tracks by Westlife. It’s Naina and as usual, she’s excited for me. Anything that can even remotely turn me away from my usual routine has become a source of joy for her off lately.
“My first call of the day with you, I guess nothing can go wrong today with that good a start,” I speak picking up.
“Yeah bro! How could I have missed? Where have you reached?”
“About to climb down the stairs of Kashmiri Gate.”
“Oh great! Yeah, I can see you now.”
“You’re here?” I ask surprised.
“Of course I’m here. I’m here every day if you’ve somehow forgotten it.”
“Yeah, I know, but that’s usually,” I look at my watch “half an hour ago.”
She disconnects the call as I walk towards her and greet me with a hug. “I thought I would check out how you look in those formal clothes and a neatly shaved face,” she speaks parting and I notice an authentic smile on her face. It is not something you hint casually at somebody, just for the sake of it. In all her talks and every little gesture of hers, she seems genuinely concerned about me and that’s what I love about her. There is not even an ounce of fakeness in her. Probably she’s the sister I never had in my blood relation.
“Lost again?” she said to bring me out of my reverie.
“Hunh? Oh yeah, I wanted to thank you. For coming I mean,” I exclaimed.
“Wow! Formal words in formal clothes!”
I laugh as we board the metro. We talk endlessly about things happening in her life because there is nothing happening at my end. She knows it and just to keep my mood delighted, she keeps away from the mention of anything that could be connected to Ananya. Sometimes I ponder how easy I feel around her. For the time she is with me, I can actually be myself. I don’t have to pull up my mask to hide away everything that has been ploughing my soul pieces by pieces.
She boards down at her station and that’s when I notice the little minion hanging from her bag. It’s actually the first gift I ever gave her. I don’t know if it is an overreaction, but I feel a hint of joy in my heart. She waves her hand at me before I lose sight of her and then, I’m all alone again.
These metro rides used to be a source of joy for me because I knew the day would follow with Ananya by my side, her fingers wrapped in mine and the endless talks. I notice a couple standing by the gate engrossed in the conversation. Though I can’t hear what they are talking about, they seem to be happy together. If you have ever been in love, it’s easy to spot love in anybody’s eyes. They seem to be in love, a really puppy love.
Lucky are the people who can be with the one they love. It’s unfortunate that most of the times we cannot understand the importance of a person without losing them. Each wasted minute over an argument or a fight comes calling to you in the future and you have an abundance of time to think about the memory you could have created in that lost minute with them.
I plug in my earphones to cut myself from all the thoughts. However, my playlist doesn’t help much. “Do I deserve all the pain or am I just a victim of the fate?” I sigh as I close my eyes and hope that my first day at work would create the much needed diversion.